23 September 2026 – 28 September 2026
My dearest son, Zake Arkan Wijaya,
How are you, my little one?
It has only been a week since you left this world, but it feels like time has stopped somewhere between the moment you came into our lives and the moment we had to let you go. Five days. Only five days. Your time with us in this world was so short, but those five days have become some of the most meaningful, precious, and unforgettable days of Mami and Papi’s lives.
You were born on 23 September 2026, and on 28 September 2026, you returned to Allah. Only five days separated those two dates. Five days that may seem so short to other people, but to us, they contained a lifetime of love.
Five days of knowing that you were here.
Five days of calling you our son.
Five days of looking at you, worrying about you, praying for you, fighting for you, and loving you more than words could ever explain.
And even though I wish with all my heart that Allah had given us more time with you, Mami and Papi are incredibly grateful that we were given those five days. We are grateful that we got to see you. We are grateful that we got to know that little person we had been waiting for all these months. We are grateful that you gave us the chance to become your parents.
You came into this world and, in such a short time, you made so many people fall in love with you.
My Zake, you were loved before we even saw your face.
You were loved when you were still inside Mami’s tummy.
You were loved when you kicked Mami every day.
You were loved when Mami talked to you even though you could not answer.
You were loved when Papi put his hand on Mami’s tummy and waited for you to move.
You were loved when we imagined what you would look like, what your smile would be like, what your voice would sound like, and what kind of person you would become.
And when you finally came into this world, you were loved even more.
I am so sorry, my son.
There is one thing that Mami wishes she could change more than anything.
I am sorry that I couldn't hug you from the moment you were born.
I am sorry that circumstances made it impossible for Mami to stay beside you the way I wanted to. Every mother dreams of holding her baby immediately after birth, feeling that tiny body against her chest, kissing his forehead, and whispering, “Welcome to the world, my son.”
But I couldn't do that with you.
Mami couldn't give you that first hug.
And that thought will always live inside my heart.
I wish I could have held you sooner. I wish I could have stayed beside you every moment. I wish I could have protected you from everything that was hurting you.
But Allah knows how much Mami wanted to be with you.
And on your last day, when I finally had the chance to hug you, I held you with everything I had.
That hug may have come too late, my love, but please know that it contained all the love Mami had been carrying for you since the moment I knew you existed.
I held you and wished that time would stop.
I looked at you and tried to memorize everything.
Your little face.
Your little body.
Your presence.
I wanted to keep every detail of you inside my heart forever.
I wanted to tell you how proud I was of you.
I wanted you to know that Mami never stopped loving you.
And I hope somehow, wherever you are now, you know that.
My dear Zake, Mami and Papi are so proud of you.
You were so strong.
You came into this world already fighting.
You fought with your disease. You fought through pain and difficulties that no little baby should ever have to experience. And even though your life was only five days long, you gave us something incredibly precious.
You gave us five days to be your Mami and Papi.
You gave us five days to call you our son.
You gave us five days of hope.
You gave us five days of memories that we will carry for the rest of our lives.
And maybe that was your journey.
Maybe Allah sent you to us not to stay for many years, but to teach us a different kind of love. A love that does not disappear just because someone is no longer physically beside us.
Zake, have you seen your Papi?
I hope you have.
Because your Papi was incredible.
Your Papi tried so hard for both of us.
During your first and second day, Papi had to manage his time between Mingalar Hospital and Children's Hospital. He was going back and forth between two hospitals, trying to make sure both Mami and you were okay.
He was exhausted.
He couldn't sleep properly at night.
He spent the whole day taking care of us.
He worried about you.
He worried about Mami.
He tried to manage everything even when he was tired.
He didn't complain.
He just kept going.
Because that is what your Papi does.
He loves us.
He protects us.
He takes responsibility for us.
So, Zake, if you meet him somewhere in Jannah one day before we arrive, please tell him that he was the best daddy.
Actually, you don't need to tell him.
He already knows how much Mami appreciates him.
But I hope you can see how hard he fought for us during those days.
Your Papi was not only your daddy for five days.
He will always be your daddy.
And I will always be your Mami.
Nothing can change that.
And then there was Mary Abla.
My dear Zake, you also got to meet someone who loved you so much.
When Mami couldn't stay with you, Mary Abla was there to replace Mami beside you.
She stayed with you.
She cared about you.
She gave her time to you.
She even left her exam just to stay with you at the hospital.
Do you know how precious that is?
She could have chosen to focus only on herself, but she chose to be there for you.
And together with her husband, Nay Lin Abi, they spent their time, energy, and money for you.
They worried about you.
They helped us.
They stayed beside you.
They did so much for our little family.
Zake, you were so loved.
Even though you were only here for five days, so many people were willing to sacrifice for you.
Your abis and ablas helped us in so many ways.
They prayed for you.
They cared about you.
They worried about you.
They loved you.
And I hope that somehow, wherever you are now, you know that your short life touched so many hearts.
My little boy, you were never alone.
You had your Mami.
You had your Papi.
You had Mary Abla.
You had Nay Lin Abi.
You had all the abis and ablas who cared about you.
And most importantly, you had Allah.
Maybe I will never fully understand why Allah chose this path for you.
Maybe I will spend many nights wondering why your story had to be so short.
Maybe there will be days when I am okay and days when I suddenly miss you so much that my heart feels heavy.
But I am trying to believe that Allah's plan is better than anything Mami could ever understand.
You fought for five days, my son.
You fought your disease.
You fought through everything your tiny body had to endure.
And perhaps your fight gave us something too.
You gave us the chance to become parents.
For those five days, Mami and Papi knew exactly what it meant to have a son.
And we will carry that title forever.
Your Mami.
Your Papi.
Nobody can take that away from us.
It has already been a week, Zake.
Only one week.
But I miss you so much.
I miss you more than I know how to explain.
I miss feeling you kick inside my tummy.
I miss the little movements that used to remind me that I was not alone.
I miss talking to you.
I miss carrying you everywhere.
I miss having you accompany Mami wherever I went.
I miss the feeling of knowing that my little boy was growing inside me.
I miss imagining our future together.
I used to imagine taking you places.
I imagined watching you grow.
I imagined your first smile.
Your first steps.
Your first words.
Your first day of school.
I imagined Papi holding your hand.
I imagined us taking family pictures.
I imagined celebrating your birthdays.
I imagined so many ordinary days with you.
And now, those dreams are memories of something that never had the chance to happen.
That is one of the hardest parts, my son.
Mami doesn't only miss the five days we had.
Mami misses all the years we thought we would have.
But even with all of this pain, I am proud of you.
I am proud that you fought.
I am proud that you stayed with us as long as Allah allowed you to.
And I am trying to be proud of the way you chose your own nasib.
Maybe Allah knows something that Mami doesn't.
Maybe you were protected from a life of suffering that Mami could never have protected you from.
Maybe your five days were enough for the purpose Allah had written for you.
And maybe your journey was always meant to lead you somewhere much more beautiful.
So, my son, I will try to let you go with love.
Not because I don't want you.
Not because I don't miss you.
But because I love you enough to trust Allah with you.
Mami is sorry, Zake.
I am sorry if during my pregnancy I didn't eat well enough.
I am sorry if there were times when I didn't take care of my health as well as I should have.
I am sorry for every moment when I wonder if I could have done something differently.
A mother's heart can blame herself for so many things.
But I am trying to learn that not everything is within our control.
I did not know how your story would end.
If I had known, I would have done everything differently.
I would have given you everything.
I would have done anything to keep you safe.
Please don't think that Mami didn't try.
Please don't think that Mami didn't love you enough.
You were loved every single day.
From the moment I found out about you, you were already part of my heart.
And you will remain there forever.
I hope you're happy now, my little boy.
I hope you are not suffering anymore.
I hope there is no pain where you are.
I hope you are surrounded by peace.
I hope you are safe.
And I hope that one day, when Allah allows us to meet again, you will recognize us immediately.
Please wait for us in Jannah, my Zake.
Mami will try her best to make Papi happy.
I will take care of him.
I will remind him that you loved him.
And together, we will keep loving you.
You don't have to worry about us, okay?
Just be happy there.
Play.
Rest.
Smile.
And wait for your Mami and Papi.
Dear Zake Arkan Wijaya,
Have you met Prophet Ibrahim and Siti Sarah?
I hope you have.
Please behave there, my little boy.
Be a good boy, just like you were here.
Maybe you are somewhere beautiful now.
Maybe you are being cared for in a way that is more perfect than anything we could have given you here.
Maybe one day, when we meet again, you will run toward us.
Maybe Papi will hold you.
Maybe Mami will finally get to hug you for as long as she wants.
No hospital.
No machines.
No fear.
No pain.
No goodbye.
Just us.
Together.
Forever.
Until that day comes, I will carry you with me.
You may not be here for Mami to hold anymore, but you are still part of my life.
You are still my son.
You always will be.
Your five days may have ended, but your story did not.
Your story continues in our hearts.
It continues in every memory.
It continues in every prayer.
It continues in every person who loved you.
It continues whenever Mami remembers the little kicks in her tummy.
It continues whenever Papi remembers holding you.
It continues whenever Mary Abla remembers staying beside you.
It continues whenever your abis and ablas talk about you.
And it will continue for the rest of our lives.
Thank you, Zake.
Thank you for choosing us as your parents.
Thank you for giving Mami the chance to carry you.
Thank you for giving Papi the chance to be your daddy.
Thank you for five beautiful, painful, precious days.
Thank you for showing us a love that we didn't know could exist.
Thank you for making us parents.
And thank you for leaving so much love behind.
23 September 2026.
The day you came into our world.
28 September 2026.
The day you returned to your Creator.
Only five days between those dates.
But those five days will stay with us forever.
You were here for five days, but you will be loved for a lifetime.
Maybe Mami will cry when I miss you.
Maybe I will have difficult days.
Maybe sometimes I will wish I could go back and hold you again.
But I will also smile when I remember you.
Because I was blessed to be your Mami.
And Papi was blessed to be your Papi.
That is something no one can ever take away from us.
So sleep peacefully, my little boy.
No more pain.
No more fighting.
No more hospitals.
No more suffering.
Just peace.
Just love.
Just Allah's mercy.
Please wait for us in Jannah.
Mami and Papi will do our best to live our lives, take care of each other, and keep your memory alive.
And when the time comes, I pray Allah brings us together again.
Until then, my son...
Mami loves you.
Papi loves you.
We are so proud of you.
You will always be our little boy.
You will always be our first precious memory of becoming parents.
You will always be our Zake.
And you will always, always be loved.
See you in Jannah, my son.
Love,
Mami
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