The Last Month of Waiting for You

36 weeks by my last period. 34 weeks by ultrasound.

And somehow, here we are.

When I look at the number of weeks, I can hardly believe how far we have come. It feels like yesterday when I was still trying to understand what was happening inside my body, still wondering if I was really going to become a mother, still learning how to accept all the changes that were happening to me. And now, my little son, we are getting so close to the day when I will finally meet you.

This month may be your last month inside Mommy's tummy.

Just writing that sentence makes my heart feel strange.

Part of me is so excited that I can hardly wait. I want to see your face. I want to know who you look like. I want to hold your tiny hands, touch your cheeks, hear your first cry, and finally see the little person who has been with me every single day for these many months.

But another part of me feels nervous.

There is something emotional about knowing that our time together like this is almost over. For months, you have been living inside me. You have been my little companion wherever I go. I wake up with you, eat with you, rest with you, walk with you, and fall asleep knowing that you are there. Even when I cannot see you, I can feel you. Your movements have become one of the most familiar things in my life.

Soon, though, you will no longer be inside my tummy.

Soon, I will have to share this little person I have been carrying with the world.

And honestly, my little one, this final part of the journey has not been as easy as I imagined.

There have been many struggles, many moments that made Mommy worried, and many times when I wished I could take away every difficulty from you.

At around 33 weeks, we were told that your weight was smaller than what was expected for your gestational age. Hearing that made my heart sink. I immediately started wondering if I had done something wrong. I wondered if I had eaten enough, if I had given you enough nutrients, if I could have done something differently to help you grow bigger and stronger.

Mommy felt guilty.

I am sorry, my little one.

Maybe sometimes I wished I could do more for you. Maybe I wished I could somehow see exactly what you needed and give it to you immediately. If I could transfer all my strength, all my energy, and everything inside me to help you grow, I would do it without thinking twice.

But I am also learning that pregnancy is not something we can completely control.

Sometimes, no matter how carefully we try, there are things that are simply beyond our hands.

So instead of spending every moment blaming myself, I want to keep trying.

I will do my best to take care of myself so that I can take care of you. I will listen to the doctors, follow their advice, eat what I can, rest when I need to, and do everything within my ability to support your growth.

You and I still have a little time together.

So let's use this time to fight together.

My little son, please keep growing inside me. Keep getting stronger. Mommy will keep trying her best for you.

Then came another unexpected part of this journey—the OGTT test.

I remember waiting for the results and hoping everything would be normal. But when the results came back, they showed that something was not quite right. The last blood sample was quite high, which meant that my body was having difficulty processing the glucose easily.

Another thing for Mommy to worry about.

Another thing to learn about.

Another thing to manage.

At first, I felt overwhelmed. Pregnancy already comes with so many emotions, and sometimes it feels like just when you think you have finally become comfortable with one situation, another one appears.

But I don't want to spend these final weeks being afraid.

I want to face everything with you.

If this is another challenge that we have to go through together, then let's go through it together.

Mommy will be more careful. I will try my best to follow everything I am supposed to do. I will take care of what I eat, listen to the doctors, take care of my body, and do everything I can to keep both of us healthy.

You are not alone, my baby.

Every time I feel worried, I remind myself that there is a little boy inside me who is also fighting in his own little way.

You have been so strong all this time.

And maybe I need to be strong for you too.

There are days when I feel tired. There are days when my body feels heavy, when sleeping comfortably seems impossible, and when even simple things require more effort than before. There are days when my emotions change so quickly that even I don't always understand myself.

But then you move.

And suddenly, everything feels worth it.

Sometimes I put my hand on my belly and wonder what you are doing in there. Are you sleeping? Are you stretching your little legs? Are you listening when Mommy talks to you?

I hope you know how much we love you.

Your daddy thinks about us all the time too.

I know he worries about you and me, even when he doesn't always say it out loud. He is always trying to make sure that we are happy, healthy, comfortable, and taken care of. He is working hard, trying his best to earn enough money for our little family and preparing for the life that is waiting for us after you arrive.

Sometimes I look at him and realize that he is also going through this journey in his own way.

He cannot feel your kicks the way I do.

He cannot feel you moving inside his body.

He cannot carry you inside his tummy.

But I know that you are already inside his heart.

He thinks about our future. He thinks about what you will need. He thinks about how to make our family safe and happy. And even though becoming a father is also something new for him, I can see that he is trying his best.

He is our hero.

Maybe he doesn't realize it, but every little thing he does for us means so much.

One day, when you are old enough to understand this story, I hope you will know how much your daddy loved you even before he met you.

You were already part of his plans.

Already part of his dreams.

Already part of the reason he works so hard.

And now, as we enter what may be your final month inside Mommy's tummy, I find myself thinking about everything that has happened since the beginning.

The excitement.

The fear.

The tears.

The doctor's appointments.

The waiting.

The changes in my body.

The little kicks.

The sleepless nights.

The worries about your growth.

The unexpected test results.

The moments when I questioned myself.

And all the moments when I felt incredibly grateful that you were here.

Pregnancy has taught me that love can begin long before you meet someone.

I have never seen your face, but I already know that I would do anything for you.

I have never held you in my arms, but I already miss you when you are quiet for too long.

I don't know the sound of your voice, but I already recognize your little movements.

I don't know what kind of person you will become, but I already pray that you will grow up healthy, kind, strong, and surrounded by love.

And soon, my little boy, I won't have to imagine you anymore.

Soon, I will finally meet you.

Maybe the first moment I see you will be the most unforgettable moment of my entire life.

Maybe I will cry.

Maybe Daddy will cry too.

Maybe we will both just stare at you, wondering how someone so small could change our entire world.

I wonder what it will feel like to finally say, "You're here."

After all these months of saying, "My baby is inside my tummy," I will finally be able to say, "This is my son."

My son.

Those two words still feel so magical.

So for these remaining weeks, I want to slow down and appreciate everything.

I want to remember the feeling of your little kicks.

I want to remember how my belly looked when you moved.

I want to remember the nights when I couldn't sleep because you decided it was time to have a little party inside Mommy's tummy.

I want to remember every appointment, every picture from the ultrasound, every little worry, every happy moment, and every prayer I whispered for you.

Because one day, this pregnancy will only be a memory.

One day, I will look back at these weeks and realize that they passed much faster than I thought.

And maybe I will miss having you this close to me.

But I know something even more beautiful is waiting for us.

You will be in my arms.

Daddy will finally be able to hold you.

Our home will have a new little heartbeat.

And our lives will never be the same again.

My little son, if you could understand Mommy right now, I would tell you this:

I'm sorry for every moment when I worried that I wasn't doing enough for you.

I'm sorry for every time I felt scared.

I'm sorry for every time I questioned myself.

But please know that I have been trying.

Every day, I am trying to be a better Mommy for you.

And I will continue trying long after you are born.

I cannot promise that I will always know what to do.

I cannot promise that I will never make mistakes.

But I can promise that I will always love you.

I can promise that I will always try to protect you.

I can promise that I will always cheer for you.

And I can promise that you will never have to wonder whether you are loved.

Because you are.

You have been loved since before we even knew your face.

So, my little one, let's keep fighting together.

Just a little bit longer.

Keep growing.

Keep getting stronger.

Mommy and Daddy are waiting for you.

We don't know exactly when you will decide that it is time to come into our world, but whenever that day comes, we will be ready to welcome you.

And when you finally arrive, I hope the first thing you feel is love.

The love of your Mommy.

The love of your Daddy.

And the love of everyone who has been waiting for you.

This may be your last month in Mommy's tummy.

And although I am nervous about what is coming, my heart is also filled with so much gratitude.

Thank you for choosing us.

Thank you for making me a mother.

Thank you for giving Daddy another reason to work hard and dream about the future.

Thank you for changing our lives before you even arrived.

We are waiting for you, little one.

Our little son.

Our little fighter.

Our greatest adventure.

Soon, very soon, we will finally meet you.

Until then, stay safe inside Mommy's tummy.

We still have a little more time together.

And I will treasure every single second of it.

Mommy loves you more than words could ever explain.

See you soon, my little boy. 🤍